Struggles and Steps

I have hit day 14 on my workout challenges, and I couldn’t make myself do them. I just feel soooo tired.

What happens with me when I work out is that after doing it too many days in a row, I get an onset of extreme fatigue, pain, and almost flu-like symptoms. Especially if the workouts are the super muscle-burning kind. (Golly gee Polly do I miss those muscle burning workouts back in the day.) Well, too bad for my poor workout challenges!

Today I didn’t work—for which I am grateful because I wouldn’t have been motivated at all and probably wouldn’t have gotten much done. On the other hand, money would have been pleasantly and cordially invited into my life. I did clean for two hours, although I was supposed to clean for 3. I asked to leave early, because I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I get so weak and tired sometimes, it’s so dejecting.

I have tried going bed early and waking up early. I have tried going bed early and waking up late. Going bed late and waking up late. Or staying in bed all day.

I have tried a protein and veggies only diet. Eating whatever I want. An almost Primal diet. Maybe if I ate a fully Primal diet? Grass fed everything, zero bad fats (hydrogenated and polyunsaturated)? I don’t know. I don’t have the choice right now to try that anyway.

Supplements for killing off parasites. A zapper that also kills parasites, bacteria, infection, you name it.

Liver and gall bladder cleans, a few times. So everything bad there came out, eh? Well, I feel no different.

Thyroid support supplements.

Adrenal gland supplements.

Extra B vitamins.

SAM-E for muscle function and whatever else it’s supposed to be good for.

Magnesium.

D from the sun in the summer, D supplements in the winter. Neither season do I feel different than the other, besides my sanity from too much walls in cold weather months.

Vitamin C. From ascorbic acid, and the high-tech liposomal version.

Fish oil with its omega-3 properties.

Armour thyroid. Gave my night sweats and woke me every morning at 4 am. Cannot say whether or not I felt the tiniest better, but according to Dr. Phil’s testing, it wasn’t doing anything for me. Needless to say, I am no better off for it now.

Enzymes.

Betain for stomach acid.

Probiotics. In capsule and natural form.

What next? What next do I have to try just to prove it won’t help me? I am sick of this.

My symptoms point towards hypothyroid, adrenal fatigue, parasites, fibromyalgia, candida, iron deficiency, un-integrated reflexes, you name it.

I know what the cure is for adrenal fatigue. If that’s all I had, I would have been cured a long time ago.

I know I don’t have parasites. Those would have been killed a while ago as well.

Fibromyalgia? I can’t say for sure, though one of the main symptoms of that is pain, which I have successfully gotten rid of with diet and nutrition. The other symptom though is fatigue. I have read that fibromyalgia has been successfully cured with thyroid treatment, so I can assume that this can pretty much be put in the same category as hypothyroid. I am not read up on the subject enough though, so I don’t know for sure.

Candida overgrowth is not what I have. It would have been killed a looooong time ago, and I have not seen positive results in my energy level, which is probably my only symptom of candida overgrowth by now anyway.

My iron levels are good. I have been tested, been on iron for a while, seen no results, been taken off of it after retesting, so the end.

The big, the bad and the ugly hypothyroid: I have doubts that this could be the root cause, but I do also have another nagging feeling that my unfortunate thyroid is suffering, and has been suffering for too long to be properly supplying my body with thyroid hormone.

There are many different reasons why I suspect this, but I won’t get into that. I am thinking that I will go to see Dr. Woodworth and get his opinion, because obviously something needs to be done. I need to just keep on taking steps, even if they aren’t absolutely positively forward steps, because I can’t just sit around forever waiting for the answer to fall down from the sky.

I think I have a faulty metabolism. My symptoms point to that, and I am not surprised at all. There is a book I would like to read, though if I buy it I might read it and find out I already know everything in it, and so I don’t exactly want to spend the money on it right now. 

Of course, I still feel like my main issues are the un-integrated reflexes, mainly the Fear Paralysis reflex. This two page document explains it all so well, in easy to understand terms.

“Incomplete integration of childhood reflexes can be mild to severe, and contributes to anxiety; depression; ADD; ADHD; autism; learning disorders; developmental delay; sensory-integration disorders; vision and hearing problems; behavioral challenges; extreme shyness; lack of confidence; addiction; inefficient, effortful work and constantly feeling overwhelmed.” (Sonia Story, 2009.)

From the info in above mentioned the article, talking to Myra Moyrylla, and from books, I think that some of the reasons I had un-integrated reflexes are thus:

-          Breech in womb ‘til close before birth

-          Stress from Mom (I’m guessing there was some stress)

-          Doctors / nurses lack to follow through with the correct birthing process of immediately placing baby on top of mom after birth

   And then—because of me being a crabby baby and constantly needing to be held—I think these are the reasons my Moro reflex has been underdeveloped (until recently): 

-          Lack of enough proper movement in early childhood: Plastic carriers, propping devic­es, playpens, walkers, swings, jumpers and car seats all restrict movements required for brain development.

-          My un-integrated FPR; because if one reflex does not integrate as it’s supposed to, it can hamper the integration process of the following reflexes

   And then of course, the problems these unintegrated reflexes cause:

Fear Paralysis Reflex

“FPR emerges in the 5th to 8th week of womb life, and ideally is integrated before birth. FPR is most likely a protective mecha­nism in the face of danger and may help us learn to cope with stress. FPR is a “freezing” reaction similar to a deer caught in the headlights. There is tightening of the jaw and eye muscles; limb muscles contract and pull in toward the core. The breath is held, and there may be a significant drop in heart rate. Those who study reflexes do not always agree on what triggers FPR, but in general we can think of the FPR as a response to a perceived threat. If the FPR is not fully integrated at birth, it can cause lifelong challenges related to fear. There is an underlying anxiety preventing an individual from moving forward toward meaningful goals. When the Fear Paralysis Reflex is unintegrated it interferes with the integration of successive reflexes, especially the Moro Reflex.” (Story, 2009.)

Possible long-term effects of an active fear paralysis reflex

-          Shallow, difficult breathing

-          Underlying anxiety or negativity

-          Insecurity, low self-esteem

-          Depression, isolation, withdrawal

-          Constantly feeling overwhelmed

-          Extreme shyness, fear in groups

-          Excessive fear of embarrassment

-          Fear of separation from a loved one, clinging

-          Sleep and eating disorders

-          Feeling stuck

-          Elective mutism

-          Low tolerance to stress

-          Withdrawal from touch

-          Aggressive or controlling behavior, craving attention

-          Extreme fear of failure, perfectionism

-          Phobias”

Moro Reflex

“The Moro Reflex, sometimes called the infant-startle reflex, is an automatic reaction to a sudden change in sensory stimuli: sudden bright light, loud noise, touch, change in body posi­tion, temperature, etc. can trigger the Moro Reflex.

“The Moro Reflex creates instant arousal of the baby’s survival systems. In essence, the baby responds as if reacting to a threat. The Moro Reflex trains the baby’s nervous system in developing the “fight or flight” survival response. It is also the baby’s instinc­tual response to summon a caregiver.

-          “These physiological responses occur:

-          Release of stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol;

-          Increased breathing rate; shallow breathing;

-          Increased heart rate and blood pressure.

-          An unintegrated Moro Reflex is often accompanied by hypersensitivity to incoming stimulus and health challenges such as allergies and asthma.

-          Ideally, the Moro Reflex emerges in the womb at 9–12 weeks gestation and is integrated by 4 months of age. Moro integration is complete when the baby learns a more mature startle reflex, sometimes called Strauss Reflex: in response to sudden change or perceived danger, the baby’s shoulders raise and the baby seeks to find the source of the stimulus. If the baby has the means to cope with the event, he will either pay attention to it, or ignore it. This ignoring response is the basis of a more mature nervous system skill to filter out unwanted stimuli and selec­tively pay attention.” (Story, 2009.)

There are many more reflexes (of course) but those are the ones I have trouble with.

I know I’ve already written a huge bunch on the reflex stuff before, but it’s all so interesting to me. Especially this:

 “Unintegrated reflexes trigger the “fight or flight” response, creating chronic stress. Even when there is no logical reason for stress, we can feel stressed because our physiology is constantly reacting as if threatened. Stress becomes a habit, often below the level of our awareness.” (Story, 2009.)

It makes sense to me that if my body was constantly using up adrenaline and cortisol because of the often triggered “fight or flight” response, then wouldn’t it just make sense for my thyroid and adrenal glands to be worn out, drained and beat? It just seems logical that this could (and would) happen, thus resulting in fatigue and other problems.

So step number 5,652 is to go back to see Myra, and keep working on the reflexes to get them integrated. I haven’t had the opportunity to continue the reflex integration with her in a month because of money, but now that I am starting my new job next week, things should be ok :)

 I will probably still make an appointment with Dr. Woodworth, because if I do have thyroid issues, I would still like them taken care of as well. And who knows, maybe once my reflexes are fixed and my thyroid given a break, maybe I could taper off the thyroid meds (assuming he prescribes them for me.)

It doesn’t matter if I am doing the exact right thing.

Doesn’t matter if I am on the straight path to health. If the road I take is curvy and full of bumps, then I’ll just ride them like waves and trust that there is a reason behind every fall, every bruise, and every tear. And everything that breaks me and makes me weaker in the moment, will make me stronger for the future.

Life. It treats us like a muscle. It burns us and breaks us down, and then builds us up stronger than before. We hate that burn, yet we love it later because of the positive changes we see in ourselves.

Life sure is something alright. Just gotta learn to love it :)


Love,

Linnaia